virtuosic_flair: (ARGH!)
Dad won't even get out of bed anymore. Not even to go to work. I'd worry he'd lose his job again, but his boss is Peter. So I know that won't happen, but that just means he doesn't have to. And just...

I'm only eighteen and I'm half an orphan and I have a daughter and I don't know how to help him. And Uncle Adam is busy and it's not fair on him...

Just shit.

(Also, hi. I stopped using drugs and sorry I was a mental case for a while there.)
virtuosic_flair: (Smiling)
Damon ♥

Everything is going to be okay.
virtuosic_flair: (Default)
I might get to see Aislinn tomorrow!
virtuosic_flair: (Side Beard)
Okay, I'm good. I'll be good, I promise.

Can I see Aislinn now?!
virtuosic_flair: (ARGH!)
I want my fucking daughter back you sons of bitches
virtuosic_flair: (Grief)
My fucking father just tried to stop the antibiotics from getting in. Why would he DO that?! He's sick and he needs them because the doctors say he's still not getting better! Why does he want to leave me too?! FUCKING HELL!
virtuosic_flair: (Bus sad)
Some arsehole raped my mother and then he mutilated her and killed her and my baby sister. I had to see them. They were so white. My Jaida Lucille's head...that man cut it off.

I'm not letting Aislinn out of my arms. She doesn't even know. She can't understand Jaida and Grandma are gone.

I feel so sick.

Jane, can you come to London? Please?
virtuosic_flair: (Bus sad)
Dad's in hospital again. His leg is infected.

I don't know what to do!
virtuosic_flair: (Default)
On Friday Damon and I moved into our apartment and then we went to see Uncle Spectre kick arse on stage! He was awesome. I love Dracula so much.

And now I refer to this post which despite having yukky grandma sex talk (SRSLY, G-Ma...), also has foreshadowing.

I now own one of those guitars, thanks to my fabulous uncles (Thomas and Spectre) loving me so very, very much and I love them too!

I can't breathe. It's in the room with me and it takes my breath away. Oh, guitar of wonders, I shall use you for great things.

SO HAPPY!
virtuosic_flair: (Coy sip)
My daddy bought me a Queen bed to bed my boyfriend in! How thoughtful is he! It's wrought iron and SO sexy omg. I think Damon's in love with it. I'm serious, he may leave me for this bed.

The stress of exams and everything has left me feeling a bit under the weather. If I'm irritable at all, I'm really sorry. I'll be better soon. I'm in a good mood now though!

I took a picture of my baby! )
Her hair!!! I love her hair and refuse to cut it and she's so totally stylish. My baby is stylish. I wish I could get her some baby Versace! Baby Gucci!

Dad just suggested Baby GAP and he is therefore, fired. Anyone want to be my new dad?
virtuosic_flair: (Working)
My little girl is a year old. I wasn't weirded out when my little sister turned one because she's my sister and that's not strange to think about. But my little girl? Aislinn is a year old? That just blows my mind. I became a father a year ago. Too strange to dwell on.

Exams are almost over. I need a rest. My brain is melted and I'm so tired I just slept for 15 hours. Thank fuck we're in London so Dad could look after Aislinn and Damon and I could sleep.

I'm going to hit the books again. Aislinn keeps crawling onto my history book, but she's so much more interesting than post-war Europe anyway...
virtuosic_flair: (Really worried injured)
Oh, Jane...

Do you want to come over here? Or I could come there?

Your parents won't hate you. They love you. And you can still get in somewhere, yeah?
virtuosic_flair: (Bus sad)
Haven't said much lately. I haven't had much to say. Damon, Aislinn and I have been living in Uncle Adam's house, though he's been in London a lot. And we go to London every weekend to be with Mum and Dad. I miss them a lot and I feel like I'm in limbo in Bristol. Jane and Damon and Aislinn are there, which is...so wonderful. But my family...they're going through so much pain and I'm just so separated from it. And that was my choice. God, I'm a stupid bollocks. That's why I've been so quiet... All I want to do is fast forward this part of everything and get to the part where I can move here. I hate being separated from my family.

Today Aislinn and I are going to see Alexa. Alexa is Aislinn's mother. Whom I had to explain how to pronounce her name for the 50th time today. Ash-linn, lady. Not Aiz-linn. ASH. ASH.

Which, you know...reminds me of Uncle Thomas. Uncle Spectre, did you see on your forums they're talking bollocks about how the 'Spectral Curse' has struck again? They noticed now that Thomas hasn't said anything on your posts and they've decided you're splitting up. I just want to scream at them that they don't know anything, but that wouldn't exactly accomplish much. Beyond me proving what a dick I am.

Anyway. Off to the hospital. Won't this be fun? She doesn't know her daughter's name. I shouldn't be so hard on her, she's doing really well. Kind of better than I am at the moment... I'm so...depressed and empty and blah. It's Easter, hurrah. :|
virtuosic_flair: (Tigery)
Apparently we're moving. I'm kind of sad because I've lived in this house since I was born, but I won't get all morose or anything because I don't want Mum and Dad to feel bad.

My house is full of muscley men packing things into boxes and I can't even perve on them because they're my dad and my uncles!! I want sexy movers!!

Oooh, Damon just walked in here to pack some things, but he also told me to get off the computer and help ;) So I'll do that. Apparently Damon and I are going to stay at Uncle Adam's during the week so we can finish school here in Bristol, and we'll be in London with Mum and Dad on the weekends. Dad suggested that they could take care of Aislinn, but like fuck I'm not seeing her five days out of the week, so she'll be at Adam's too.

This is all happening really fast. But I get it. And Peter? Thanks.
virtuosic_flair: (Blar)
Just in case Joe's got you all freaking out I bailed on the family and I'm out shooting up again, I'm at Jane's. No shooting up or bailing. Well I kinda bailed on Damon (sorry...)

Yeah, so Joe's been telling everyone he works with that I'm a big heterosexual who just happens to have amazing dress sense. And guess what? A girlfriend who attends University who lives in London named Renee.

Renee. Girlfriend. Hetero. He's fucking ashamed of me at his new stupid office job. He's been lying for 18 years.

But goddammit, I fucking sold my virginity on the street for twenty quid (and then I just sold my body after that was gone) so I could afford a hit, completely ignoring the fact that I was cold and starving and alienating everyone I loved, and he forgives me. And this is what he's ashamed of? My sexuality? My sexuality which he encouraged in the fucking first place?!

I injected heroin into my veins but he doesn't like that I sleep with boys. Someone's got their priorities straight.

See what I did there? x(

Private

Jan. 12th, 2009 10:47 pm
virtuosic_flair: (Blar)
Ouch ouch ouch.

Asylums with doors open wide
Where people could pay to see inside
For entertainment they watch his body twist
Behind his eyes he says: I still exist

~~~~~~~

Is this the gift that I wanted to give?
Forgive and forget's what they teach
Or pass through the deserts and wastelands once more
And watch as they drop by the beach

This is a crisis I knew had to come
Destroying the balance I'd kept
Turning around to the next set of lives
Wondering what will come next
virtuosic_flair: (Superhero?)
I'm home! And travelling to London tomorrow, which is a bit...augh. The travelling, not the London. It's a little trying with Aislinn in the car. She's decided she does not like trips and she screams and nothing will distract her. Poor little thing. I was so glad to have her in Wales anyway that last day. I love her so much. And we had a great time, just the three of us.

Incidentally? Damon is perfect and I love him.
virtuosic_flair: (Tigery)
We're going to Wales tomorrow and I'm all nervous.

Idon'twanttoleaveAislinnandyoucan'tmakeme :(.
virtuosic_flair: (Superhero?)
Damon and I get to go spend almost an entire week at my grandparents inn in Wales! It's on the coast and it's going to be freezing and deserted and awesome! Damon and I are going alone for the first few days and then Mum's bringing Aislinn down so the three of us can be there together. Because I really don't want to leave her. I'm excited, but the idea of being away from her for two days is actually terrifying. I never thought I'd feel this way. But I do. I know Damon and I need time to ourselves though. It was Dad's idea. And I know Aislinn's safe here.

I just never realised how hard it is to let go. And to know I caused this kind of pain amplified a thousand times over... Well, Dad told me not to think about it, so I won't. Much. It's just hard not to want to be right beside her every single minute of every single day. And you know what? I'm proud of that. I'm proud I feel that way.

She's six months old, you know? Six months. I don't know where the time went.

Anyway, I got sidetracked. College ends on the 19th, so Damon and I are heading over that night. And the next morning, Grandma and Grandpa Klein are heading off to Scotland and the inn will be closed for the holiday season and it's OURS.

We are going to have so much sex fun!!
virtuosic_flair: (Tigery)
My cousin's home safe, my mum is going to be fine, I turned 18 and now Aislinn's mum is in hospital.

Damon found her and now she's at Peter's hospital detoxing. Like I did. Her name is Alexa Jacobs.

It's a good thing she was found. Though I'm a bit !!! about it. That's my baby's mother.
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