Friends Only

Hi. I feel like hell, but lying around in bed (or you know...not in one...) is something I've done far too often since October so fuck it. And hi. Everything hurts, and I refuse to take painkillers because we know where THAT leads. But it's not like I was in October by a mile. Dad and I are okay again. We watched Beauty and the Beast and he made me crepes for lunch. I was able to keep them down for a change.

I'm really upset. Which probably isn't surprising in the least. But I'm doing the honest thing. And I'm upset. And freaking out. And disgusted. And in denial. And I wish I could take the easy way out, but I'm above it. I'm jumbly. It's scary that I was attacked just because I would sleep with men. I'm not doing it currently! And those guys wanted me dead anyway. I asked Dad if he ever wished I wasn't gay so he didn't have to worry about shit like that. So it'd be easier. And he basically told me I was crazy for asking. So, I'm still really upset, but I have the best Dad ever. I get why he didn't trust that I hadn't gone back to drugs. I understand now.

My thoughts are all disjointy. Hey, it would probably be bad if I started drinking, right? Dammit.