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Jun. 8th, 2008 04:47 pmI asked Dad if he wanted to do this, but he told me he didn't. He wanted me to. I suppose it's one of those things you don't know how to approach because it's...crap. I mean that the way it happened is crap.
I have a daughter. She's in the NICU at a hospital here in Bristol because she was born at 25 weeks. She's at 26 now. She's doing really well. There was a scare today, but she got through it.
When I was living on the streets, I sold myself for drugs. Yes, to a woman. It's a terrible thing. I did terrible things. And as a consequence, I made a person. I didn't know that until the mother showed up at my door to beg for drugs herself. That's why the baby was early. She's abandoned the baby and if she shows up again she'll just be arrested for doing it in the first place. So it's pretty much just us. I might never have known that, through my own foolishness, I brought a human being into this planet. A human who now has to live and go through things and experience life and it's ups and downs. That's...a pretty big fucking consequence. But she's already been making me think, and for that I'm grateful.
I have the best parents in the world. They're basically rearranging their lives so I can still live mine. I wish they didn't have to, but they're parents and they're taking care of me. I'm not ready to be a parent. And I didn't get the months of preparation most parents get. I have to wrap my head around this now. I'm going to work at Dave's pub in the summer. I'm going to finish my last year of high school next year. I'm going to go to university close by. I'm going to help raise my daughter and my little sister as much as I can as well as staying near my parents who deserve to have me close to them after everything they do and have done. I'm never going to forget that actions have consequences again.
I don't know what's going to happen. I think the only things I am sure about, are that I'm fucking freaked out, and I love her. She's tiny and beautiful and I love her. Her name is Aislinn Renee Littleton. And I love her.
I have a daughter. She's in the NICU at a hospital here in Bristol because she was born at 25 weeks. She's at 26 now. She's doing really well. There was a scare today, but she got through it.
When I was living on the streets, I sold myself for drugs. Yes, to a woman. It's a terrible thing. I did terrible things. And as a consequence, I made a person. I didn't know that until the mother showed up at my door to beg for drugs herself. That's why the baby was early. She's abandoned the baby and if she shows up again she'll just be arrested for doing it in the first place. So it's pretty much just us. I might never have known that, through my own foolishness, I brought a human being into this planet. A human who now has to live and go through things and experience life and it's ups and downs. That's...a pretty big fucking consequence. But she's already been making me think, and for that I'm grateful.
I have the best parents in the world. They're basically rearranging their lives so I can still live mine. I wish they didn't have to, but they're parents and they're taking care of me. I'm not ready to be a parent. And I didn't get the months of preparation most parents get. I have to wrap my head around this now. I'm going to work at Dave's pub in the summer. I'm going to finish my last year of high school next year. I'm going to go to university close by. I'm going to help raise my daughter and my little sister as much as I can as well as staying near my parents who deserve to have me close to them after everything they do and have done. I'm never going to forget that actions have consequences again.
I don't know what's going to happen. I think the only things I am sure about, are that I'm fucking freaked out, and I love her. She's tiny and beautiful and I love her. Her name is Aislinn Renee Littleton. And I love her.
